The Trouble With FUIM
by Star D
Summary: The Cids are back! After a FUIM chatroom incident, the Cids find themselves in a house where every action has a consequence. Dum dum dum! Rated for Language
1. Chatroom Horrors

**Hey hey, everyone! I'm back with a new idea and a new story! Well, maybe not a really _new_ idea, but this is definately a new story. Anyway, just so you know, this'll be like the movie Saw, kinda, just not as well-thought out, because I just write as I go, which I hear now is a bad thing...oh well. A lot of stupidity will be evident within all chapters, and I'm gonna try to keep only FF characters in here, but I might just throw in other people for fun. Anywayz, have funs reading!**

**Disclaimer: Like usual, nothing belongs to me... except maybe the dialogue, but probably not that either.**

**The Trouble with FUIM**

(**CancerStix** enters FUIM chatroom '25425139881626977200')

**BurgerKingKing**: hey Cid! wazzup?

**CancerStix**: Why am I even here?

**BurgerKingKing**: coz ever since we've came home, we been losing touch with eachother. n this is the only way we can talk w/ eachother.

**(BaldMenAreSexy** enters FUIM chatroom '25425139881626977200')

**BaldMenAreSexy**: Yo!

**CancerStix**: Dammit, I hate Fucked Up Instant Messenger! I'll brb I gotta restart my comp. Hey Cid.

**(CancerStix** leaves FUIM chatroom '25425139881626977200')

**BurgerKingKing**: Hey Cid. how u been?

**BaldMenAreSexy**: I've been doing good, I definately miss the guys.

**BaldMenAreSexy**: Hey, Cid just signed on, I'm gonna invite him

**BurgerKingKing**: alrite

**(OglopCid **enters FUIM chatroom '25425139881626977200')

**BurgerKingKing**: hey Cid

**OglopCid**: Hey guys. me and Helga just had the best make-up sex ever.

**BaldMenAreSexy**: Ummm did we need to know about that?

**OglopCid**: Of course! Friends tell other friends about their lives!

**BurgerKingKing**: if thats the case then i better tell u guys that i gained alot of wait. i feel so fat

**BaldMenAreSexy**: you were already so fat. what's the difference

**OglopCid**: Good burn, Cid

**BaldMenAreSexy**: hahaha I know. i rule

**BurgerKingKing**: thats not nice. u sux :(

**BurgerKingKing**: but i still liek u guys

**(CancerStix** enters FUIM chatroom '25425139881626977200')

**BaldMenAreSexy**: finally I was waiting forever for you to come back

**CancerStix**: shaddup. FUIM sucks. It was being a lesbian with my toaster, retarded thing.

**OglopCid**: What do you have against lesbians? They're people too.

**BurgerKingKing**: yea ppl who provide me with entertainment on lonly nites.

**BaldMenAreSexy**: O.o ooooookaaaay

**(DarkMessengerOfDeath** enters FUIM chatroom '25425139881626977200')

**CancerStix**: WTF? You know who that is?

**BurgerKingKing**: no clue

**BaldMenAreSexy**: me neither

**DarkMessengerOfDeath**: You are all known as the Cids, are you not?

**OglopCid**: Depends on who's asking.

**DarkMessengerOfDeath**: Your Angel of Death and Reforment inquires it.

**CancerStix**: Ah, it's just an emo gothic loser. Just ignore him, they hate that.

**BurgerKingKing**: ok

**DarkMessengerOfDeath**: Dare not insult me, mortal!

**OglopCid**: So Cid, how's things going with Edea?

**BurgerKingKing**: horrble. shes bringing all this stuff up about her needs. its gettin so annyoing.

**CancerStix**: I had the same problem with Shera, but women like that are like wild horses. They just need to be broken. Then they're your bitch.

**BaldMenAreSexy**: That sounds like a sexist comment there Cid. You definately don't wanna go around saying that.

**CancerStix**: It's the truth! If women were meant to be the dominant sex, then they would've been born with their reproductive organs on the outside, like a real man. Not like a pussy wuss with them inside. No pun intended there.

**OglopCid**: I'm so glad I never hang out with you Cid, I might get shot. But anyway, you all won't believe what I bought for my palace! I bought a golden toilet with a silver seat lined with diamonds. It's amazing. And I had to do to get some extra for it was raise taxes tenfold in my kingdom! I love enforcing stuff.

**DarkMessengerOfDeath**: I have waited long enough, you are all in need of... assistence.

**(DarkMessengerOfDeath** leaves FUIM chatroom '25425139881626977200')

**BurgerKingKing**: wut a loser.

**OglopCid**: Yeah, he was a strange fellow.

**BurgerKingKing**: dshuihghufhfg

**BurgerKingKing**: fghjfh

**BurgerKingKing**: dfjgkjjfigjisdjijrgnnhkjjjn

**(BurgerKingKing** leaves FUIM chatroom '25425139881626977200')

**CancerStix**: What the fuck just happened!

**OglopCid**: Cid's probably just being an ass again.

**BaldMenAreSexy**: Maybe he tripped on his way to get more food.

**CancerStix**: Stupid fatass

**OglopCid**: lol

**BaldMenAreSexy**: lol

**OglopCid**: wtf!

**(OglopCid** leaves FUIM chatroom '25425139881626977200')

**CancerStix**: Now what? Stupid Cid is probably helping Cid be a retard. Assholes.

**BaldMenAreSexy**: ...I don't think Cid would do something like that. Sure he's old, but he wouldn't help Cid VIII.

**CancerStix**: Yeah, you're right. THEN WHAT THE HELL'S GOING ON?

**BaldMenAreSexy**: couldnt tell you. I think I'm gonna piss myself.

**CancerStix**: Am I the only sane one out of all of us?

**BaldMenAreSexy**: Just aboutdkshfgihfdghfhijfdhgjgjjjjjggthbyyyyyyyyyyyyy

**(BaldMenAreSexy** leaves FUIM chatroom '25425139881626977200')

**CancerStix**: God fucking dammit! Why the fuck do all of these things happen to us! Why can't they just bring all the heros together for a fucking story instead of the Cids!

**CancerStix**: Fucking dammit.

**(CancerStix** leaves FUIM chatroom '25425139881626977200')

**(DarkMessengerOfDeath **enters FUIM chatroom '25425139881626977200')

**DarkMessengerOfDeath**: And thus the sinners enter their realm of hell. Mwhahaha.

**DarkMessengerOfDeath**: Aa, FUIM leads to another disappearance of people. No wonder they call it 'Fucked Up'.

**DarkMessengerOfDeath**: ...

**DarkMessengerOfDeath**: ...

**DarkMessengerOfDeath**: I really should not be talking to myself...

**(DarkMessengerOfDeath** leaves FUIM chatroom '25425139881626977200')

**Author's Note: Yeah, FUIM is making fun of AIM, because we all know anything made from AOL is fucked up. . I hope you all liked this chapter and stay tuned for another dastardly chapter of 'The Trouble With FUIM'. (That sounded so lame.)**


	2. Darkness

**I just asked myself, 'why do I even bother writing these things?'. I still haven't come up with more than the answer that I get entertainment out of this. Gawrf.**

**Disclaimer: Like usual, nothing belongs to me... except maybe the dialogue, but probably not that either.**

**The Trouble with FUIM**

Cid X groaned and slowly opened up his eyes to be greeted with darkness. "Oh gawd..." he said, sitting up from the carpeted floor. "Where the hell am I?"

He stood and began feeling around in the dark. "There has to be a light switch somewhere," he mumbled. The next step he took brought him falling to the floor once again. "GAH! What the hell!" Cid X exclaimed, moving his foot over what he tripped over, trying to figure out what it was.

"Get your dirty fuckin' feet off me," came a dark threat from the object Cid X kept prodding at with his foot.

Cid X immediately stopped. "Cid VII! You're here too?"

"Apparently," the blonde replied, taking out his lighter and lighting a cigarette. "If only there was a way we could see through this darkness. Are you sure there's no light?"

The other man raised an eyebrow. "Ummm… you have a lighter, can't we use that for light?" he inquired slowly.

"We _could_. But it's for cigarettes, not for finding one's way through a dark room of obvious danger and possible death," he pointed out, taking a drag of his cigarette.

The bald Cid smacked his hand to his forehead. "God Cid, you're so selfish."

"Aw shucks, you're making me blush," Cid VII shot back, every word laced with sarcasm.

The other just rolled his eyes, but they widened as he heard two groans lifting from the darkness.

"Cid VIII, Cid IX, is that you?"

"Oh god, Cid, get off me… you're crushing my lungs!" one of the voices screamed.

"Well, excuse _me,_ Cid IX; it's your fault for falling asleep under me!" Cid VIII argued.

"Cid VIII, get off of Cid IX. You'll kill him faster than this place will," Cid VII replied, boringly.

"Gawrsh, whadda're we gonna do? So dark..." Cid X whined. "We're gonna die in here! I still have yet to get laid! Why are the fates so cruel!"

"You know, Cid X," Cid VIII started, getting off of Cid IX. "I never got laid either. We could, you know, _experiment_."

"Experiment? What ever do you mean, Cid VIII?" Cid X replied timidly. All that was heard through the darkness was the movement of Cid VIII. "OH! Cid VIII, you naughty devil! Tee hee!"

"Oh god… I am **_so_** glad there's no light in here," Cid VII mumbled.

And, ironically, just as Cid VII said that, light flickered on. It was actually coming from a television that was located in the corner of the room, hanging from the ceiling. A ventriloquist dummy was featured on the screen.

"lyke ttly!11! i bet yall wonder'n why yall hier. well tell u da truth yall bin prety bad. so i thot i wold help out a bit!" the dummy's mouth said, or rather moved towards the words said.

Cid VII yawned and got up. "I call dibs on T.V. We're going to watch Hours of our Lives. End of discussion."

The dummy disappeared and was replaced by a two people standing in a room, seemingly tense.

"Cloud… I have a confession," the weird looking female on the screen said sadly. Wait… that wasn't even a woman; it was a guy, horribly disguised as a women. It was obviously obvious from all the hair on the arms and legs… and armpits.

"What is it, my love?" the spiky-haired male replied.

"I'm pregnant with Zell's child."

"WHAT? Aeris! How could you? I thought we had something special," the blonde yelled in disbelief.

"Also… I'm not a woman, I'm a man. And it's me, Hojo," the 'female' replied as 'she' took off the dress he was wearing over a lab coat and removed the carelessly placed wig from off his head.

"I… I thought Hojo was dead! Surely you jest, Aeris!"

"No, what you killed was my twin, Dr. **Hobo**, not Hojo. And there was never an Aeris, it was always me. You just thought I was a chick. I guess the dress and the hair threw you off. But then again, you should have noticed all the times we had sex," he said thoughtfully.

"Oh god… tha-that wasn't a vagina I was banging into? It was a little tight; I just thought you were slow to stretch!" Cloud was in a state of shock. He was practically gay for the past 6 months.

Just then, someone burst through the door. "Cloud, you're brother, Tidus, was found dead this morning after his private jet crashed into a house of orphans. None survived."

"No!" Cloud yelled as he broke down to his knees. Hojo quickly ran to his side. "My brother was coming in to tell me important information about the whereabouts to the family treasure… now I'll never know."

The scene changed to a hospital room. A doctor and two people were standing in the room.

"Mr. Tribal, I have terrible news," the female doctor told the blonde sitting on the white bed. "Mrs. Tribal, you might want to leave."

"Whatever you have to say, Dr. Trepe, my wife, Garnet, can hear," the blonde on the bed replied.

"Thank you," the dark-haired woman said lovingly, glaring at the doctor.

"Alright… well, Mr. Tribal, I'm sorry to say, you have AIDS, Chlamydia, and gonorrhea. And if you and your wife had sexual intercourse, I'm sure she has it too," the doctor tried to sound apologetic while saying the last sentence, but she was secretly happy about it. '_Stupid whore._'

"Zidane! You've killed me. I'm going to die because of you! How could you!" Garnet shouted, tragically.

"B-b-but… I didn't know… I swear, my beaut—"

Just then the T.V. screen switched back to the ventriloquist dummy.

"What the--- I was watching that!" Cid VII yelled.

"OMG!11 who u tink yar? i wuz sayin sumting befor!1 yall haff 2 fight 4 ur lives heir. if ya wanna live, yall haff 2 survive!" the television then shut off.

"You know what? This place really sucks." Cid IX said, breaking the silence of the darkness.

It was silent for about three minutes. Then, of course, Cid X had to insert his opinion.

"This reminds me of this one time I had with my crew—"

The room they were in was slowly fading white, initiating a flashback.

"FUCK NO!" Cid VII screamed, standing up and flailing his arms, like someone fighting through vines… or something like that.

The white went away.

"Cid! Why'd you do that?"

"Last time I heard a flashback from you, it was irrelevant and I lost a total of 90 brain cells, I don't need to lose any fuckin' more brain cells!"

"What about me, Cid VII? What about _my_ feelings?" Cid X whined

"Don't start using my game's script against me, bastard!"

"I just realized something! You sound like that dude from Resident Evil 2 in the beginning; the driver of the truck who goes: 'why'd he bite me?' and then ends up almost killing Claire and Leon by crashing the truck into their police car! I never noticed that before!" Cid VIII said triumphantly.

And thus, the Cids were trapped within this room of darkness, forced to listen to Cid VIII ramble on about things that were _very_ irrelevant to what was currently happening to them.

"I wonder how long it'll take that pansy on the T.V. to kill me," Cid IX muttered.

**Author's Note**: **Not really a note, just saying sorry for the hold up. I've been lazy. Hope you like the new chapter. I was gonna use the original characters from Days of out Lives, but I only know of two: Hope and Bow; I think. So I said I'd incorporate more FF characters, so here you go; enjoy!**


End file.
